I’m having Ian change my e-mail and password to something random that only he’ll have the information for. Tumblr is way too distracting, and Ian and I agreed that in general it just isn’t doing me much good. I need to focus more on school than I have been and I really need to start making some improvements to my life.
Things I need to do over the next few months:
- Start regularly going to counseling and believe in its potential to work for me
- Start volunteering
- Put in more effort for my school work, and wind up with mostly (if not all) A’s
- Start looking for a summer job/find a summer job
- Try to learn to play my keyboard that I got for Christmas
- Read the infinite amount of books that I’ve been wanting to read
- Try to accept myself for the first time in my life, exactly as I physically am, but develop a more positive outlook on life, and in turn better my relationship with my friends and with the absolute love of my life
Trying to accomplish all of these things really just doesn’t leave much time for tumblr. So goodbye to everyone. I will miss you. And to anyone interest in keeping contact who doesn’t already have my number, please feel free to text me at 774 249 9288, even if we have never really spoken before. Much love! <3
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I hate my body ten times more after seeing what I just saw.
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thegloriousnosebleed asked: Have you tried ecstasy?
Yes, I’ve tried it twice actually. Both times it was really incredible while I was feeling the effects, which I’m sure you know is basically inevitable. However, the second time that I took it I had a really bad and bizarre come down along with some shitty side effects: I smoked pot at the peak of my trip and as I was coming down. Once everything started wearing off, I started having some auditory hallucinations and got lock jaw. The constant lock jaw went away after a few days, but for a couple weeks afterwards I would get lock jaw every time I smoked. My paranoia after smoking was increased too, and I also felt even more sensitive and emotional than I am already whether I was high or not, and that lasted about a month. So yeah, I really haven’t reacted consistently well to anything I’ve tried. Maybe this time it just had to do with the fact that I smoked, but in any case I’m definitely not going to take ecstasy again. Molly (pure MDMA) I might try, just because I wouldn’t be coming down from heroin/meth/coke/etc at the same time as MDMA which can be the case with ecstasy, but even that isn’t something I want to do more than a couple times. I guess you didn’t ask for this whole explanation, but I figured it had to do with my last post and that I might as well touch base on that. If you have any more questions, please don’t hesitate to ask! I can keep it private if necessary.
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Ahhh sometimes I wish I didn’t react so terribly to drugs. It would be nice to have an enlightening experience on LSD instead of just being terrified of everything around me, which is exactly what happened the first (and only) time I tried it. Due to my one experience of taking acid I’m not too keen on trying anything else, even though I’m really quite curious about shrooms.
I’ve even basically stopped smoking pot, because every single time I do smoke I get paranoid. It’s been two and a half years since I first tried it and the paranoia has not subsided at all. I do react slightly better when I’m drunk though (hah). But why can’t I just react to these things like a normal person? I guess this is probably a really silly thing to complain about, but I know of the spiritual potential that psychogenic/hallucinogenic drugs can have for people and just wish I could experience that. There are quite a few more reasons behind why I believe I probably wont ever react well to these drugs, having to do with biological factors and my mom’s occupation, but I wont bore you all with my complaints.
Getting one of these guys soon instead of a ferret. My friend Ally has to find a new home for hers, and her bunny is super sweet, so I agreed happily to take her :)
mickeymantle-deactivated2012042 asked: Where are you?! I'm in Marlborough but we haven't made a reunion. wwhat is this?
:( I posted something about it a few days ago.. I’m back up in VT now. I didn’t really get to hang out with anyone while I was home because, understandably, my parents demand most of my time when I’m visiting…. Ugh Mickey, some day…it will happen.
+i love you, forever & always. you always make me feel better; i miss our sleep overs and walks together. i hope you’re having a lot of fun in vermont and i hope that i see you soon.
thank you for always being there when i need you <3
:):) Gahhh well I’m not sure if I told you but I’ll be staying in VT for the summer continuing to take some more classes. Soooo, come stay with me at some point?
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